UnNews:Ferguson riots enter second week
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Ferguson riots enter second week
Your A.D.D. news outl — Oooh, look at the pictures!
Monday, August 29, 2016, 07:27:UTC)(
18 August 2014
FERGUSON, Missouri -- This city of 30,000 began its second week of the urban riots that began after a white police officer shot Michael Brown, an unarmed black teenager who had dreams and had nearly begun turning his life around. Rioters, chanting "No justice, no peace," opted for justice, by breaking into Walmart and taking flat-screen televisions and barbecue grills.
More than five years after the nation elected its first "black" President, one can still find, in a nation of 310,000,000 people, a white person who takes one look at brown skin and wants to kill the wearer — or, mere years after the Treyvon Martin incident, perhaps two of them. Sometimes, such a racist acts out even without waiting for his victim to finish scooping cigars into his jacket, walk out of the store, and shove aside the cashier, before scuffling with a policeman on his way home to put more photos on Facebook flipping the bird to authority figures.
Scrutiny in the current unrest has focused on the police, as Mr. Brown's companion, Dorian Johnson — whose business card states his occupation as "Accomplice" — gave a description at odds with the official version, in which police accosted Mr. Brown on the most superficial grounds (weighing 290 pounds and having pockets overflowing with stolen loot). The officer's broken eye socket would be a result of deceptive technique with his service weapon, so that, when he was "shooting Mr. Brown in the back," the bullet would enter through the front.
The Rev. Jesse Jackson and Rev. Al Sharpton took time out from rectifying the somewhat more lethal situation in Chicago to visit Ferguson. Rev. Jackson stated that the "ambiguous" encounter with police could have been avoided by having the police retreat and perhaps wait in the precinct station until the robber arrives home. Rev. Jackson suggested that love is the answer, stating, "Fuck the Police."
President Obama, who has called for slavery reparations to be paid until blacks stop feeling that everyone is out to get them, issued a public statement carefully taking neither the side of the police nor of "the community." He avoided talking about the legacy of slavery or stating that the victim looked like the son he will never have. But the FBI began a civil rights investigation of the police and posted baby pictures of Mr. Brown at
#HelpObamaUniteAmerica. Missouri Governor Richard Nixon temporarily relieved the Ferguson police of the job of policing Ferguson, replaced by unarmed school crossing guards from St. Louis, the white ones wearing blackface to further pacify the situation.
- Mug Shots #113494 and #113495 "Washington Post, Huffington Post reporters arrested at Ferguson, Mo. McDonald's". Washington Post, Huffington Post, August 13, 2014