UnNews:Ferdinand hurts own face with shirt

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9 December 2012

MANCHESTER, Such a lot to answer for -- In the English Premier League, an enthralling Manchester derby was marred by an appalling injury to Manchester United veteran Rio Ferdinand, who hit himself in the face with his shirt during an odd goal celebration.


Robin Van Persie, the worst human being in the world,[1] had just scored the winning goal in a topsy-turvy top of the league clash, which had all the thrills and spills of a Carry On movie, when Ferdinand, with an apparent infantile urge to show everyone his tummy, manage to injure his own face. Led from the field with blood gushing from his gouged eye socket, the former England centre back received a standing ovation from both sets of supporters, who had seen home city City fight back from a 2-0 deficit to make it 2-2, only to lose in heartbreaking fashion in injury time. [2]

Legendary United boss Alex Ferguson said after the game: "It's a terrible tragedy, for the team and for Rio personally. It was a great game, a great advert for football. It's so sad it ended with a man poking himself in the eye like that."

Joanna Corey, President of the Manchester United Supporters' Mams association, claimed the incident highlights the inherent dangers of the shirts: "It's a focking disgrace! These shirts cost seventy, eighty pound a time, and they're a bloody 'ealth 'azard! My son had a near-miss two months ago doing the same thing, and escaped with a bruised nose. Jonathan, Sarah Howard's boy, weren't so lucky, 'e 'ad to go to hospital after the away kit knocked his tooth out."

The injury could put Ferdinand out for four weeks. An active social networker, Ferdinand posted on his Twitter account: "What a plank! Only gone and poked me own eye! Getting bare bantz from the lads! LOL."[3]

edit Footnotes

  1. I am an Arsenal fan.
  2. It is the first time Manchester United have ever scored in injury time.
  3. Translation: What a fool I am! Would you believe it, I have poked myself in the eye! My teammates are enjoying themselves making fun of me. How funny!
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