UnNews:Feminism dropped; women admit it was 'a joke that got out of hand'
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Feminism dropped; women admit it was 'a joke that got out of hand'
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, March 22, 2018, 18:16:UTC)(
29 December 2008
In a shock press conference today; feminist Germaine Greer and (the minister for women) Harriet Harman QC, MP, etc announced the withdrawal of feminism as a political movement.
Says Germaine Greer :'It all started off as a bit of a joke, really. I had no idea it would catch on.' Ms Greer has asked for all her books, essays and literary criticisms to be repressed on the Internet, collected together and burnt. It is thought that all the other 'top' female writers; politicians and thinkers will now follow suit, before they go home and have a baby, (like they secretly wanted to do anyway).
'Everyone knows that a book by a woman cannot be judged as a book on its own merits, more as a hysterical expression of what its like to be an inferior member of the human race, which is frankly very irritating to read.' offered Ms Harman with a girlish giggle and pout.'It's not like we have actually written anything well, anyway.' Offered Ms Greer, 'Or we wouldn't need our own category at the Booker, or the Orange prize, would we?'.
It is thought that millions of women will not return to work in the new year, to jobs that would just give them wrinkles and cause them to worry their pretty little heads. 'It's such a relief just to stay at home cleaning my kitchen.' Said Mrs. X. 'Now all I have to worry about it staying young and thin for my husband...oh, and having a three course meal ready for him when he comes back from work!' This is brilliant news for the struggling economy; with an expected demand for workers instead of the predicted 3,000,000 unemployed in 2009. Now nobody has to pretend to take women seriously as potential employees; expensive issues like maternity pay and leave can be dropped. 'This is wonderful' Said Mr Smith, of Smith & Kane Solicitors, '..now when they get married I can just sack them. I'll save thousands.'
It is thought that women will be encouraged to stay at school until 18; to take A Levels in gender appropriate subjects such as Photography, Art, English Language & Literature, History and Philosophy. These subjects will allow the girls to be entertained until they can find themselves a nice young man to marry and have babies with. University will be discouraged for the majority; which will enable financially pressed families with many children to focus their money on educating their sons. 'This works out really well for everybody.' Said the dean of admission for Cambridge. 'Now we can really raise our tuition fees, because they're more likely to be paid if only one child gets to do university.'
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|