UnNews:Fat People: Terrorists?
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Fat People: Terrorists?
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, December 3, 2016, 13:49:UTC)(
19 June 2008
Washington D.C. Today at the International Terrorism Research Lab in Washington D.C, 3 Men were walking out of their offices to go to lunch, holding important Information that would have been able to save The United States from another Terrorist attack, however, The roof of the building was being fixed due to leakage, and one very obese roofer, fell off and eliminated the 3. Only one survived, however doctors say he will be a Veggie forever. When trying to find the documents, FBI said "The Files were absorbed by the man, the chances of us getting it back are very slim. This raised the question today in Pariliment: Are Fat People Terrorists? Dick Cheney said "THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT GO FUCK YOURSELF." Similar incidents to the one in Washington have happened over the week, such as the German Governer poisoned because an Obese man at Mcdonalds let it rip, or The Ontario Premier Dalton Mcguinty's Car Obliterated by a "Fat Pride Parade" Something had to be done. So far, The only law that passed was that all roofers must be under 355 lbs. Plus, a warning was Issued by the Government;
CITIZENS OF AMERICA
PLEASE BE ADVISED THAT IF YOU SEE A FAT PARADE, ROOFER OR ONE WITH GAS, RUN.
This Warning has been sponsered by: THE NEW JACKASS III movie!
As a news Station, we say that this may be one of our last News reports. Due to the fact that most of the Editors are fairly fat and often look as though they want something to nibble on, If so, please let god have mercy on your soul, and all souls. God Bless Ameria.