UnNews:Fastest Computer in the World Based on the Atari Jaguar
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Fastest Computer in the World Based on the Atari Jaguar
Straight talk, from straight faces
Friday, October 21, 2016, 14:56:UTC)(
14 November 2008
North America, California, Silicon Valley
Atari (After being bought out and owned by the Zeira Corporation after failing for the 1023rd time at making video games) seeing that A Liberal Democrat that is 38% African-American, 12% Arabic, 25% White, and 25% Kenyan could be elected President in November 2008 that means God must exist and therefore anything is possible.
Taking the simple Atari Jaguar with its hybrid system of 8-bit Atari 2600 and 64 Bit Super Game Console technology, modified it using Quantum Mechanics and Fiber Optic technology and networked 64 Atari Jaguars together into one big network sharing processing power, was able to build a brand new super computer. The NCCS bench marked it at 100 Googlplexflops and it can surf the entire database of Google in 15 seconds. The Super Atari Jaguar absorbed the entire contents of the Internet and processed the data and the sum of all human knowledge. (In the case of Wikipedia the sum knowledge of human stupidity, in the case of Conservapedia the sum knowledge of human greed and anger.)
Thanks to AI Game technology used by another supercomputer based on the Atari Jaguar (The Turk), The Super Atari Jaguar is now smarter than HAL 9000 and started building robots (Some based on Arnold Schwarzenegger some based on others) and Cyborg robots and building a defense system called Skynet as a solution to all of the global problems caused by humanity and its war-like nature.
Everyone has a good feeling about this and Skynet will be online around 2012, and will take control of every nuclear arsenal in the world, making sure that no bad President or Terrorist Islamic Dictator will start a nuclear war. This will make sure that there is Peace and an end to Humans causing more unjust wars.
Sarah Connor and her son John told UnNews that these robots will turn on us and call war on us and hunt us down and even pretend to be us and have traveled back in time to kill her, and failing that trying to kill her son John, who, get this, leads a Human resistance against the robots and Skynet. What a crackpot that family must be! UnNews checked into the Connor family and found they have a history of mental illness and criminal behavior and have killed people claiming they invented a machine that will in the future try to kill at humans. So we have to discredit what they say and trust Skynet to protect us.
- Jack Tremiel "Supercomputer based on the Atari Jaguar is the fastest in the world". NCCS, November 14, 2008