UnNews:Fanboy disappointed by PS3
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Fanboy disappointed by PS3
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, March 28, 2017, 06:35:UTC)(
28 November 2006
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Fanboy, in a shocking statement on Youtube this morning, admitted that Sony's new PS3 isn't as good as he said it would be.
Since the PS3 was first announced several years ago Fanboy has been hyping it on all media to which he has access, including his recently closed website, myspace page and the self-published "Fanboy magazine". Fanboy has been banned from many Usenet servers for bombarding them with posts like "PS3 is the bomb", "360 suxors!", "<expletive> Wii! Nintendo eats <expletive>!". Wikipedia was forced to block his user account after he mimicked the "on wheels" vandal and changed over 3,000 page titles to read things like "The Odd Couple (Movie) isn't awesome like the PS3!!!".
"I've been waiting months for it, man." he candidly stated, "I spent a week camped out in front of the EB. A whole freaking week without a bath, eating nothing but burritos and Jolt. Granted, that's a normal thing for me, but still. Now I got it and have been playing it for awhile and it's just not the great leap forward that I thought it would be."
Fanboy's mom, Mrs. Fanboy, is supporting her 34 year old child through these trying times, "My son, he's a good boy. Those bastards at Sony really screwed up this time. My boy says it's like that Soho Dreamcrap-thing was, only worse. I take Rice Krispie treats and hot chocolate to his room in the basement, but he's inconsolable. He spent an hour getting the WiFi to work, only to discover that there were less than half a million other users to play against...and the lack of games really gets his pants in a bunch. My boy says there should have been a hundred by now, and the ones that are out don't look as good as Xbox 360 games. He says they play as though they're launch titles, like they were rushed or something. My boy says the 360 is 'ass'. The stress of this experience is tearing him apart. His father and I really hope that he gets laid soon. That'll settle him down. Then maybe he'll get the <expletive> out of our house."
"Mom! You're embarrassing me!" Fanboy interjected, "I mean, c'mon Sony! For this much money it should be the best ever! Right <expletive> now! I took my PS3 apart and the heatsink is cast aluminum for crying out loud. How the hell am I supposed to overclock it with such a crappy heatsink? For that kind of coin I want crazy heat pipes and neon and shit. If I had a high definition television I'd be even more pissed off. Where's the HD cable, Sony, hmmm? <expletive> Sony!"
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|