|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
11 June 2009
ST LOUIS, Missouri -- Danielle Smith expressed surprise that a family photo she posted on the net wound up as a large advertisement in Prague, Czechoslovakia. The ad was for a delivery service, and she says that she's having a photographer's organization investigate how this could have happened. She also says she'll take steps to make this harder in the future.
What is baffling most who have heard of this non-story is Ms. Smith's reaction. The response to her surprise was rapid, and international.
"She's having an investigation into how the pic got there, when all she did was put it on the World Wide Web?", said Jing Dao of Sri Lanka, "What a dim bulb."
"If I understand right, some poor storekeeper uses her smiling family faces to provide for his hungry family, and this spoiled American upset?" said Qing Lee of Ulaan Baatar, Mongolia. "She no like that? Heartless bitch."
"She want I maybe send her penny each time someone buy my bag of coffee beans?" said Juan Valdez of Columbia. "Life is hard, but if that what it takes..."
She's dumb, too, related Hafa *klik* Tuu of Dar Es Salaam. "I saw pics, of course. Right after she post them, I was already copying them for my 'Save Darfur' ad. She have problem with Darfur now?"
"We were all flattering her, for the love of God! We show picture and it's like saying, 'you too can be like happy Americans!', but she don't want happiness for no one but self!" said Helga Ten Dorf of Norway.
Indeed, Merchants, Store Owners and Ad men around the world are bemoaning the callousness of this upper middle class woman's attempt to deny them and millions their livelihood. "Banking crisis, industrial decline, monetary instabilities - but she's got her SUV and surburban home, so to hell with the world's economy!" cried Dr. Falujah of the Middle Eastern Economic Council. "And the Americans wonder why we're mad at them!".
Ms. Smith was unavailable for comment, as she was getting her nails done prior to her 4pm Oprah watching appointment.
"We were all flattering her, for the love of God. We show picture and it's like saying, 'you too can be like happy Americans!', but she don't want happiness for no one but self!" said Helga Ten Dorf of Norway.