UnNews:Families face shocking rise in holiday costs as companies demand they "submit souls to Satan"
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Families face shocking rise in holiday costs as companies demand they "submit souls to Satan"
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, December 7, 2016, 14:32:UTC)(
16 June 2008
THOUSANDS OF FAMILIES looking forward to a summer break abroad are being hit by shock demands to sign their immortal souls over to Lucifer himself before they can embark on their holidays. A growing number of tour operators are demanding that customers sign over unconditional ownership of their soul to Satan, blaming soaring fuel costs and the sliding value of the pound.
One £6,000 holiday for a family of four has resulted in a demand for all four souls to be betrothed to damnation. There are fears that families could be pushed into committing themselves over to servitude of The Dark One in order to enjoy a fortnight holiday they expected to be a break from their worries.
Marcus Goosey, co-founder of Consumer Action Group, called for greater transparency, he said: "To expect a family to commit to an eternity in hell in exchange for a 2 week break abroad is plainly not acceptable."
"In the good old days one held a much higher stock for one's soul. For example I sold my own soul to Satan in 1997 in return for a young rich heiress for a wife who would willingly take it up the wrong'un."
The power to demand that a number of souls may subsequently be beholden to the Devil is buried in the small print of many holiday contracts and is usually signed for in blood. One man affected by the demands, who wished to remain anonymous and was due to fly out to Florida in August, was left with no choice but to promise his and his family's souls to hell, "What choice did I have? I mean, I've bought new golf clubs and laid down a hefty deposit for a hire car that is non-refundable."