UnNews:Falwell starts campaign against God
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Falwell starts campaign against God
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, July 30, 2016, 20:42:UTC)(
16 May 2007
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"When we rejected him at the gate, you should have seen the look on his face. Fucking priceless." St. Peter told our reporter Tuesday afternoon between drags on his cigarette, "I'd trade the eight-ball in my pocket a thousand times over just to see that again."'
Within hours of being dragged away to Hell, the Reverend became sickened and decided to wage a moral campaign against the Alpha and Omega. "This is not the God of the Good Book, this God loves everyone, does not oppose the homosexual agenda, and feels we have a responsibility to help the poor," said Falwell as hot coals were forcibly inserted into his anus. He continued, "God is an immoral sodomite, and should not be tolerated by good Christian people." Falwell has already raised thousands of dollars from the citizens of Hell during his new and yet-to-be-titled campaign, which he plans on spending wisely. "We are going to forward this agenda, and good will triumph over evil."
Our reporters attempted to pray to God, but He could not be reached for comment.