UnNews:Facebook users say yes to changes
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Facebook users say yes to changes
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, December 9, 2016, 17:31:UTC)(
25 April 2009
FACEBOOK, Silicon Valley Although it has been just over three months since Barack Obama was sworn in as the 44th president of the United States of America and moved into the White House, it seems that the news has only just reached the citizens of Facebook. Due to a failure of communications and a temperamental filter system, temporarily hijacked indirectly by the Republican Party, users of Facebook were left unaware that President Obama had achieved the status of President-elect, let alone that he had survived until his Inauguration. Mark Zuckerbitch, the genius behind Facebook gave a public apology which was also filmed and put onto his user page. "I cannot apologise enough for the stress and the anticipation caused by my website. It seems that our filter system had been hacked, resulting in a 'Page Not Found' appearing whenever words or phrases similar to and such as Obama President and KFC were typed into the search bar."
Several unnamed hackers have been arrested by police in Arizona, suspected of being behind the hijacked filter system. "We can confirm that there have been four arrests in the past twenty four hours relating to the problems that the social-networking site, Facebook, has been dealing with lately," John Gilliam, an Arizona based Sheriff, also present at Zuckerbitch's apology, said, "We believe that the four suspects were paid by top members of the Republican Party to infiltrate Facebook's system and destroy all evidence of President Obama and his victory." The police, it seems, are holding off on taking any member of the actual party into custody until they have some evidence that the suspects were in fact paid. It is still unclear why it was only a small selection of people whose accounts were affected as many of the world's population managed to successfully access Facebook in all its entirety. "We currently have thirteen IT specialists working on the project, we are told they believe that a series of 'networks', which the users must join to be able to add friends, were targeted although this cannot yet be confirmed."
Although the networks are yet to be named we do know that it was people who were opposed as well as for Obama as President that suffered from the Republican's actions. People from states such as California and Illinois whose voters had a notable preference for Obama have been organising post-inauguration parties for those who didn't know the results until recently. "We feel as though we have the right to celebrate," Michelle Dasington of California, said, "For us this is both our November 4th and our January 20th and we plan to make it as good as, if not better than, the parties we missed out on."