UnNews:Facebook introduces stalking feature
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Facebook introduces stalking feature
A newsstand that's brimming with issues
Thursday, May 25, 2017, 22:17:UTC)(
19 August 2010
PALO ALTO, California -- Social-networking giant Facebook has finally entered the stalking world. Facebook executives on Wednesday announced the launch of “Facebook Stalkers”, which -- similar to services such as “SexOffenders” and “Pedophiles” -- will let people use GPS on their cell phones to stalk people and exactly locate them physically.
Facebook Stalkers is available immediately in the United States through the latest version of Facebook's iPhone app and, for other advanced mobile phones, through the company's Literal Stalkers division, executives announced at Facebook's headquarters in Palo Alto, California.
Users who wish to announce their location to stalkers on Facebook would tap a "RapeMe" or “KillMe” button to see a list of stalkers nearby, and then choose the place that matches where they are.
Facebook staff also said the feature will be useful not only to let stalkers know where they are, but also to learn if users who are hot or have unfriended you are located so you can stalk them down and kill them, or rape them, or both.
When users check into a motel, they also can "HitUp" any Facebook sluts, male or female, who are essentially looking for a roll in the hay. To cut down on the potential for users to falsely stalk people to a bogus place, they can use the ‘HitUp’ button only if the stalkers themselves check in to the location, too.
Facebook said it would make the new “Stalkers” feature available in other countries and on more mobile platforms soon, to better serve the interests of stalkers and rapists and child sex offenders. "Stalkers are the main users of Facebook, and we have overlooked their needs for too long!" a Facebook spokesperson said.