UnNews:Facebook changes "fans" to "stalkers"
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
Problems playing this file? You might be a dope.
Facebook changes "fans" to "stalkers"
Straight talk, from straight faces
Friday, August 18, 2017, 16:45:UTC)(
31 March 2010
NEW YORK CITY, New York -- Facebook intends to change the way users can connect to people and brands. Instead of "become a fan of," users will now click to "stalk" their favorites. Facebook says the change will encourage users to make the move.
"In many ways, it's a lower threshold," said Michael Lazerow, CEO of an advertising agency here. "No one wants to become a 'fan' any more, not knowing a star's sexual orientation or whether he abuses dogs. Pressing the 'stalk' button should be much easier."
Facebook being no stranger to meaningless marketing makeovers, the change will have no real effect. When you elect to "stalk" someone, it simply creates a link between your page and the page of the stalk-ee. "Facebook is betting that its users are too dumb to see that there's no difference," said Mr. Lazerow.
Like other Facebook data, it will be shamelessly made available to mysterious strangers. Indeed, Los Angeles City Hall reports that seven area entrepreneurs have filed papers to carry out actual stalking of stars with Facebook pages, in cases where that is what the user intended.