|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
12 March 2007
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LAS VEGAS, Nevada -- The land of $9 all-you-can-eat surf 'n turf, Cirque du Soleil, drivethru weddings and terrible Elvis impersonations has the nation talking yet again thanks to FOX News Chief Roger Ailes. Ailes, who was to have co-hosted a Democratic Party debate, joked that rather than vote for Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton, he'd pick Al-Qaeda leader and world-reknowned fucktard Osama bin Laden. His fellow co-host would have been the being that Ailes sold his soul to: Of course, the King of Darkness, Satan.
One Nevada Democrat, who wished to stay anonymous, had this to say to UnNews, "I'm not sure what we were thinking in having the man who has spent his entire existance trying to destroy civilization, but Ailes creeped us the fuck out, and we were too scared to cross him. There is no liberal that can wield untruths and deception like him. You really have to stand in awe of Roger. However, I still think Satan was a good choice for moderator: He's completely apolitical. Of course, he has a silly belief in God, but a man's faith need not be a personality flaw."
The weaselly liberal then told of how he was disappointed to have to nix the debate, "We were perfectly fine to still have the debate, but Ailes felt ashamed of having something he said slip out without Sean Hannity or Bill O'Reilly to add their truthiness spin to it. While it's a coup for us lefties, at the same time you hate to see a titan like that stumble, regardless of what side he's on."
Contact Fox News at (212) 301-3500.