UnNews:FAA resumes flights into Austin

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

Problems playing this file? You might be a dope.
FAA resumes flights into Austin

The news outlet with approval higher than Congress

UnNews Logo Potato
Saturday, March 24, 2018, 08:43:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

25 July 2014


The first commercial flight leaves Austin after the ban.

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Federal Aviation Administration has announced that it will allow commercial flights to resume landing in Austin, Texas.

This came 36 hours after the Obama administration had suspended flights into the Texas capital on Tuesday, citing Malaysia Airlines Flight 17, which was downed in the Ukraine by Russian-backed separatists.

Governor Rick Perry complained that the ban on flights to Austin was as nonsensical as if the administration had banned flights to Tel Aviv. Austin, he noted, is not a war zone, except during the relatively brief meetings of the state legislature.

However, the White House noted Perry's call-out of 3,000 National Guard troops to the Mexican border. They were mobilized to "do the jobs that Americans won't do" since Obama converted the Immigration agents to greeters and chauffeurs. Obama stressed that restoring an armed presence on the U.S. border might anger some of the thousands of "refugees" streaming northward, and perhaps inspire some of them to use the shoulder-fired rocket launchers they are bringing with them — turning Texas into a veritable war zone that would be dangerous for commercial flights.

Happily, polls revealed that Americans do not believe that either the opening of the border or the deployment of state troops was a crass political move taken with a future election in mind, although Perry now has not only new glasses but new back-pain medication and, next time, might be able to remember all three federal departments he would like to shut down.

edit Sources

Personal tools