UnNews:F**kwit UK chief constable calls for aspirin 'to be criminalised'
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
F**kwit UK chief constable calls for aspirin 'to be criminalised'
Straight talk, from straight faces
Thursday, September 29, 2016, 11:53:UTC)(
2 January 2008
MAD-AS-A-GAY-JEWISH-DISABLED-NAZI chief constable Richard Brunstrom has today called for the popular over-the-counter pain killing drug aspirin to be "reclassified as a class A illegal drug". In his latest proclamation, he insisted that the drug - which is commonly used for head aches and other mild maladies - was a "drug of a wicked and debauched society." and called for its users and suppliers to be "locked up or shot."
The loon went on to dismiss what he called "the myth" over the "so called benefits that this immoral drug" provided to sufferers of mild to moderate pain. Brunstrom also predicted that all such drugs and "remedies" (including paracetemol, cough medicines and asthma inhalers) would be made illegal "within ten years".
His comments came during an interview yesterday on Radio Unnews, in which he also repeated his calls for the legalisation of murder. When he was asked on what grounds that aspirin should be banned considering it use dated back to Roman times, he responded: "Yours is not to question my dictates, you are but a mere mortal whereas I am a near demigod!"
He added: "Did Moses question God when asked to kill his last pig? No, he didn't. Similarly I should not have to justify my opinion to mere insects. Your job is to see it be done!". Mr Brunstrom claimed that "Aspirin and all such so called drugs are just another tool of Satan and his minions to subjugate us all!"