UnNews:Exterminist teachings sully American Koran
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Exterminist teachings sully American Koran
We distort, you deride
Thursday, July 30, 2015, 02:43:UTC)(
25 December 2011
WASHINGTON D.C. -- Despite Washington’s promise to clean up America’s national Koran translation, the recent edition still raises the ire of patriotic TSA and FEMA storm troopers – especially those able to read – who object to the understated exterminist language.
The objectionable English translation was published by the Project for New American Century (PNAC) in Washington, D.C. and is being distributed throughout the US education system and in all mid-western motel rooms by the Carnegie Foundation.
Ali Murphy, the grandson of legendary Yankee war hero Audie Murphy, told UnNews, “This is where exterminist gag-spoons, grody language and gnarly ideas suck to the max,” he said in phony Valley girl, referring to the edition in question.
Ali, a Muslimized US national, said the holy book’s misleading translation was possibly concocted by Mossad, and then smuggled out of Israel by top-secret clandestine means, probably Registered Book Post. Ali even showed UnNews a Xerox copy of the Rolling Stone Magazine article to prove it.
In the New American Century Koran, children are taught barbaric practices. “They show grade-school students how to cut (the) penis and clitoris off adulterers, sever the nipples of titty-twisters, and pepper spray peacefully protesting Nuns. There are even illustrated instructions for amputation of the nose, hand and the foot of a petty-thief,” he said.
In another section American pre-teen students are taught that the annihilation of the human race is one step above godliness, and is, therefore, the only viable means to a heavenly harem. According to excerpts provided by UnNews, the PNAC Koran actually stresses that ALL Homo sapiens should be preemptively put to death, “because they are potentially genocidal.”
Israeli Ambassador to the CFR, Ira Gladstonestein told the elitist Council on Foreign Relations that the Mossad translation was designed to instill the noble ideology of sub-zero tolerance or absolute eugenics.
“In recent years the globalist lobby has reviewed all of its exterminist practices and has added even more acts consistent with absolute eugenics.” Gladstonestein explained. “Not only have we enhanced what was objectionable in the Koran, we have also added modern technology, such as the use of a powerful chain-saw in place of a crude sword for amputations, and also the prudent use of malevolent nuclear energy in affecting instant regime change and giving new meaning to the term flash-mob.”
When UnNews attempted to interview H.K. (His Kosherness) Ambassador Gladstonestein the diplomat jerked and started running. Unable to catch him, but not to be deterred we asked the rose gardener’s assistant at the White House for comment on the latest English Koran translation, but his only response was to flip us the bird and shout, “Merry Christmas!”
- Staff "Extremist Teachings Remain in Saudi Textbooks Despite Kingdom's Claims of Reform". Fox News, December 25, 2011