UnNews:Experts warn of "gay" epidemic if ban on gay blood donors is lifted
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Your A.D.D. news outl — Oooh, look at the pictures!|
15 April 2008
MILLIONS OF HETEROSEXUAL MEN AND WOMEN risk catching "gay" if a blanket ban on homosexual blood donors is lifted experts warned this morning. A petition has been raised by a group of the Godless sodomites to allow them to provide blood which could open the floodgates of a "pandemic of normal people becoming bum sex addicts".
In response to the petition a spokesman for the Blood Transfusion Service stressed that "we have a duty to make sure that patients get supplies of blood that are not contaminated with bits of gay."
A spokesman for the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender) Network said: "The blanket ban on gay and bisexual men giving blood is an outdated policy that was put in place decades ago when people believed that catching gay was a bad thing. I have encountered many married heterosexual men who have no fear of catching the gay. I buggered six in a park only this morning!"
But Dr Brian Studd, said: "Even the highly sensitive tests for the presence of any Gay that are performed on every donation cannot completely exclude all risk of infection, so an essential first step - and a requirement of UK law - is to avoid collecting donations if there is evidence that the risk of blood-transmissible gay-disease may be raised."
"I mean, you wouldn't feed a young baby on dogs muck, would you?"
He continued "Should the ban be lifted then we would obviously have to move the vein that we take the donation from away from the rectum, where it currently resides."