UnNews:Experts:Mediterranean's climate curiously resembles pea soup
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|This article is part of UnNews||Straight talk, from straight faces|
15 August 2007
As temperatures soar to never ending peeks, being closely chased by their ungodly friend, humidity, rivers of sweat flooded the pained city, threatening to drown the dusty population in its own sweat, literally.
"I tell you" croaks Dr. Lior Livingston, a formidable researcher at the Israeli Meteorological Service, "It's getting worse and worse each year. We're watching our colleges over in the UK and raising our sweat drenched faces in despair: send us some of your blasted rain. Please. Just a couple of days without using the air conditioner."
"It is true" joined us by phone Professor Levy Levavy, refusing to leave his house in which he has been hugging his air conditioner for the past two weeks "We have been trying to decipher the mysteries of the local climate for years now, and couldn't quite get a the hang of it. And then it happened."
"Last winter my wife prepared a lovely pot of soup. pea soup. It was all silky and greenish and dense, with pieces of unidentified (yet kosher!) pieces of meat. Lovely. I was thrilled to gulp it down, I ran to it and stumbled, and the pot fell on my head."
"A curious feeling of detachment engulfed me. I was thinking: damn! I know this feeling! this...this...wet, soaking, fuming, hard to breath, sausagey feeling.... And then it hit me. It is the climate! The summer climate! The sensation of the pea soup spilled over me felt exactly like walking about in the main street of Tel Aviv in August. I immediately knew I have a hit."
"And so we approached the climate problem from a different perspective. What if we treated the weather as though it was pea soup? How would one cool down pea soup? The answer is simple. Remove the lid" concluded Professor Levavy, sounding very smug.
"One problem remained" remarked Dr. Livingston, "To find the lid that caps Tel Aviv and remove it. Then we're all set to go".
"Yes yes!" concluded the anxious voice of Prof. Levavy "And with that we're thinking about starting a global enterprise which is set to solve climate problems based on local typical dishes. England? Easy! What do you do with standard English cooking? Flush it down the toilet! Do the same with the country! Italy? Drench the country in olive oil!.France? Easy! Spread garlic cloves all over the country! Problem solved!"
And the only thing left to be found is how does one solve the problem of the hole in the ozone layer over Australia.
Hint: Think beer. And lots of it.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|