UnNews:Exclusive -- How Ashton Kutcher and the Sooners Punk'd the Gators
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
11 January 2009
MIAMI, Florida -- Fans who traveled all the way from Norman, Oklahoma to Dolphin Stadium in Miami, Florida were shocked, stunned, and horrified when their favorite team, the University of Oklahoma Sooners, were defeated in Thursday night's BCS Championship by the University of Florida. They were also curious as to why head coach Bob Stoops -- who was recently approached with an offer to replace Denver Broncos head coach Mike Shanahan -- did not look or act like his normal self; he just paced back and forth with an uncontrollable grin on his face as his team struggled in the second half.
In December, Ashton Kutcher and MTV contacted Bob Stoops, who agreed to have Punk'd mastermind Ashton Kutcher tie him up and impersonate him during the big game. Their plan was simple: When Pushing Daisies aired its final episode of the year, "The Norwegians," ABC never told anybody when the show was going to return. Kutcher, a diehard fan of the canceled show, couldn't bear this. The Sooners were to purposely lose the BCS championship as part of the Punk, so that bigger anticipation could be built, and the real game could be played live on the final three episodes of Pushing Daisies in order to give the show a major boost in the ratings; Ashton felt the ratings spike would convince another network to pick up the show.
The Pushing Daisies part of the plan backfired when ABC told Kutcher that they couldn't afford to reshoot the episodes as a college football game. They also felt that it would "alienate the three people who watch the show regularly." Bryan Fuller wasn't too keen on the idea, but Lee Pace -- the Chickasha native who plays piemaker Ned -- was all for the PR stunt, but only if the Sooners won the real game. It also backfired when Stoops decided that UnNews, with whom all parties signed an exclusive news deal, had had enough of these Pushing Daisies references and would rather hear Lost references leading up to the season premiere.
With the financial backing of Lou Pearlman, Bank of America, Merrill Lynch, and Enron, Kutcher and MTV sought out their elaborate college football prank. They enlisted legendary game play writer Bubba McFartpants, as well as comedy writers Judd Apatow, Bruce Villanch, John Hughes, Hunter S. Thompson (who chickened out due to the fact that he died in 2005), and the guy who played Flabber on Big Bad Beetleborgs to write up the most ridiculous game in the history of college football. Then Kutcher and Stoops let the team in on the Punk. Quarterback Sam Bradford, who recently won the Heisman Trophy, thought the idea was "fucking hilarious." Others, such as Jim Slacker, were hesitant.
When the game was over, and the team lost to the Gators by ten points, rumors began spreading that the game was rigged. It was reported by such reliable sources as MTV News, Cracked.com, The Onion, MAD Magazine, Rolling Stone, Wikipedia, WhosDatedWho.com, Weekly World News, and Nick.com before finally being confirmed in this UnNews exclusive. The team and Stoops may get into big trouble with Big 12 and the NCAA, and may possibly face suspension or expulsion. Others argue that the Gators were never a good team to begin with, and some question whether the team ever existed before this game took place.