UnNews:Exclusive: Barack Obama Accuses Michael Phelps of Stealing His Mojo
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Exclusive: Barack Obama Accuses Michael Phelps of Stealing His Mojo
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, June 30, 2016, 12:29:UTC)(
18 August 2008
edit Trouble Brews Back Home For Phelps
"Look, there is serious shit going on back here in the good ol' US of fuckin A. We are trying to elect our first slightly dark skinned President, and that goddamn honky is over in Tibet winning a bunch of bling and taking all the press coverage off my ass."
"I'm just a guy out there doing his best to represent his country, and I get some jumped up little prick showing everyone how good he is at some stupid sport and taking the shiny lights and cameras off me."
Obama, pictured below, attempted to bring back his press coverage by frolicking naked in the water off the coast of Hawaii this weekend, but was unable to compete with the Superfish who chalked up another 14 Gold medals, and slept his way through both the American and Chinese Gymnast teams.
On being questioned about whether the Hawaiin frolicking was a publicity stunt to draw back a nation pissed off with the fact that an American election takes forever, Obamas campaign manager had this to say - "Frankly, I am not sure what drove Barack to such lengths. Naked frolicking has been very low on our list of ways to increase his profile. I just thank christ it wasn't Hillary out there nude and wet."
Our intrepid reporter, after visualizing such a scene, had to be sedated.
Obama is back in Oregon as of this morning, where filming has begun for his appearance on Pimp My Ride. Negotiations are also in the process for having his wife, Michelle, appear naked in Playboy. Both Rosie O'Donnell and Ellen Degeneres have pledged their support for such a move, "That bitch is smokin'!"
Phelps' return to the US is expected to coincide with a planned Swimming is For Fags Anyway support rally Obama has organised.