UnNews:Everybody nukes Greece
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Everybody nukes Greece
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, August 28, 2015, 22:35:UTC)(
6 March 2012
Athens, Greece -- In a show of solidarity, all nations with nuclear arsenals blew off some steam today by completely obliterating Greece- the known cause of all of the trouble in the world. US President Barack Obama personally led the charge by unleashing firey nuclear hell from his eye sockets while aboard Airforce One at 8:15am local time, likely due to job stress. Shortly afterwards, a celebrating Vladimir Putin responded with his newly commissioned Tsar Bomba Mk. IV, which left half of Greece a slag of molten silicates. Not to be outdone, the EU quickly dispatched their own heavy bombers to finish the senseless genocide.
As the cloud from the Russian device began to circle the earth, Pakistan and India had a competition to see whose missiles could reach Greece, with some acceptable losses reported by various former nations along the way. China joined in with space weapons, shooting precision fission armaments from orbit. The boiling remains of Greece began to sink into the sea as people around the world cheered and sent congradulatory tweets to each other.
Bowing to public pressure, Israel gave a nuke to Iran in a show of good faith and both nations promptly nuked Greece together, ushering in a new era of peace, openness and puking unexpectedly in already uncomfortable social situations.
The British coalition cabinet also acted, issuing a very stern statement indicating that the UK government "supported the obliteration of Greece, which we would participate in if it were not so unseemly, and if it had not been scheduled at tea time".
Life in Greece, meanwhile, remained more or less the same.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|