UnNews:European Countries Change Names Based Off of More 'Catchy' Names
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European Countries Change Names Based Off of More 'Catchy' Names
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, July 1, 2015, 11:44:UTC)(
13 August 2008
EUROPE - European countries often have particularly funny and catchy names such as "Hungary" and "Turkey". When these names of countries get spoken, stupid people who believe they are funny often crack a flat joke like If you're Hungary I'm Tired! HAHA!, but the joke often results in a glare instead of a laugh. But do European governments laugh at these jokes? Apparently so, otherwise they would not have changed their countries' names to things like "Thirsty", "Tired", and "Sick".
Most of the countries to have taken part in this sensations were ones around the countries of Turkey and Hungary. The first country to act in this wide spread change was Slovakia, a country just north of Hungary. They officially changed their name from "Slovakia" to "Thirsty". The world gasped in shock at the news, but many countries followed suit. Ukraine, Romania, Austria and Switzerland quickly hopped onto the country name band wagon, and the theme was child's complaints often heard in a moving vehicle on a family road trip.
(Translated to English)
|We thought it would definitely increase the popularity of our country, and definitely make the headlines. Nothing ever happens in this country, and our people wanted some action. So we gave them this. Now we are the most popular country. Not to mention we are getting the spot light taken away from the Olympics, which is an embarrassment to our country considering how many medals we've gotten.|
—President of Thirsty
So now countries all over Europe are hypnotized by the latest Euro craze, the name game. Countries everywhere are racing to get an open and unused name. The countries near Hungary were the first to pounce, taking the most common like "Got To Go Potty" and "Are We There Yet?". These countries are now feeling pride but will probably look back to see there infinite stupidity.Farther south, countries in Asia minor and the Balkan Peninsula in Europe raced to pick names regarding the "well known meats often found on your plate at supper time" theme. These countries are close to the Country Turkey, and wanted to respond. Some chose meats, others chose Thanksgiving dishes such as "Stuffing" (Syria) "Gravy" (Georgia). Georgia, despite being in the middle of a war with the world's largest country, Russia, still found time to make a new name for their country. Russia has yet to follow the pack of sheep in the crowd. Another notable name change is that of Greece, which is now Chicken. Perhaps they followed Albert Einstein's Theory of European Country Names?
So certain countries bask in the light of popularity and stupidity, thanks to name changes. Rumor has it the country of Turkey is planning on changing it's name to something completely different, such as "Shoelace" or "Cowbell". This act would enrage all of the other countries, but would be a great prank, making the rest of the world laugh at the stupidity and sheer low IQ of the countries whose names were changed. Perhaps it would be the wrong thing to do, but then again, changing names is all the craze in Europe right now. maybe other continents will follow, just like how they followed Euroipods and pizza. Or not. Maybe the rest of the Earth will stay stable. Or maybe not.