UnNews:Europe to play "The Final Countdown" indefinitely

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23 October 2007

Europe

The band during a recent informal practice session.

STOCKHOLM, Sweden - Several months ago, Swedish hair metal group Europe, announced that it would be playing a select one of their songs until the end of the world, thought by many to be December 21, 2012.

Europe was one of the more eightyish bands of the eighties, combining terrible guitar/synth riffs with long hair and tight leather chaps, prominently displaying the "region". Much speculation was put into which song would be chosen for the countdown. An online poll was hosted on the band's website, after the band selected 10 songs out of their extensive collection of anthems to have their fans vote on. Said band bassist, John Levén, "We thought having our several fans vote would ensure the perfect song would be chosen. A song that we could really continue playing until the universe explodes from our awesomeness on the first day of 2012, or other natural causes."

Yesterday, at the end of the day, the poll was closed, and the winning song selected. Europe will be playing "The Final Countdown", from their album The Final Countdown until the end of time, when the universe collapses into itself. "I thought, you know, the Final Countdown! It sounds like it should be played forever! It's the final countdown! It's...uh...ironic...and stuff!", says Europe fan Devin Harold. Europe plans to commence playing on New Years Eve of this year. They will be playing 24/7 for as long as their bodies permit them to, with several people appointed to feed them and keep their hair styled.

"The Final Countdown" is a single off of Europe's 3rd studio album, The Final Countdown. The album was Europe's attempt to make several more dollars before they sank in to the nothingness that all hair metal bands sank into. You know, that bottomless hole? They sank into that.

Much speculation has gone into what will happen when the band stops playing. "Will things ever be the same again?", Says Joey Tempest, lead vocalist.
Efinalc

Europe leaving Earth during their 1986 tour.

No one really knows what could possibly happen when the band ceases to play on December 21, 2012. But, why 2012? "We figure those ancient Mayans must have had some pretty cool people to calculate this stuff. I mean, they added up all the birthdays of the members of the band, divided by 7.4, and got 2012! The must have been geniuses! We didn't even exist when the Mayans were around, in the 1930s," said band drummer, Ian Haugland.

It has also been announced that another one-hit-wonder band from the 80s, Journey, will be making a guest appearance sometime during Europe's last days. They will be jamming for exactly 87 plays of the Final Countdown, then going back to doing whatever it is Journey does. "Doooooooooon't stop, beeeeliieving! Hang on to that feeling!", says Journey member, Johnathan Cain, "Seriously don't, it's the only thing giving me a will to live!"

Some people, however, are very pissed that any 80s bands will be playing anything at all. Even if it is only for 4 years. "Europe! That stupid hair metal band everyone wanted to forget about! What was that song they did again? The Ending Showdown or something? They're the reason I'm out here!," said Bob Ridner, a 42 year old bum who hunts whales in Kansas. Other people are only upset the band is playing forever. Says local 85 year old woman, Sheila Houesner, "I'm so sick of that stupid continent, trying to.......Oh, you mean that band thats playing next door! I hope I die before I hear that trash for more than a year." The general consensus is that everybody else is sick of Europe too. Still better than Journey though.

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