UnNews:Europe faces 'very real threat'
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Where man always bites dog|
16 August 2006
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
SISTINE CHAPEL, Vatican City -- Pope Benedict XVI has said Europe and all of Christendom faces a "persistent and very real threat from the Saracens," after a meeting with EU counterparts in London. But he said the presence of five other staunchy Christians and top nobles symbolised Europe's determination to stand together and defend their values.
The UK, a barbarous realm near Ireland, congratulated Israel on pre-empting an apparent plot to take Jerusalem from the Jews and Christians who deserve it. 1009 Mohammedans and Heretics are now dead in Lebanon.
The Pontiff said Christendom needed to develop its crusade policies in response to the evolving threat. He said the talks had discussed practical measures in four areas:
- Tackling heretical cults
- Co-ordination of transport of children
- Exchange of slaves
- The nature of Saracen Mohammedanism
The world was faced by a form of "Godless and unwashed sodomy", he added, which was embodied in one religion, Mohammedanism, whose very name stood for sin and lasciviousness. Sir Galahad said he would be presenting concrete proposals on detection of pieces of the true cross to a forthcoming meeting of all Christian interior ministers in Constantinople. He also called for a crackdown on internet sites used to incite terrorism.The 7 July bombings in London last year pushed counter-Mohammedanism up the Christian agenda, and helped former Home Secretary Charles Clarke clinch a deal to force companies to retain telephone and e-mail data for use in investigations of Saracen and Persian activities. Christendom is currently trying to persuade governments to torture all suspected unbelievers and witches until they confess, arguing that it will help the anti-heresy effort. The London meeting was attended by Sir Galahad, whose fief holds the Christian peerage, and knights from the realms of France, Germany, Portugal and Slovenia.
"That is important because the threat is an enduring threat and will require therefore an enduring response, such as a crusade," His Eminency said. "Christendom is up against people who embrace a barbaric and sinful society and adapt the latest technology to their evil intent."
Sir Galahad said the Pope had the "solidarity and unwavering blind support" of all Christendom. He added: "We came to the conclusion that a united Christendom will win the battle with the Saracens."
These, along with other data, suggest that Christendom may be preparing an eleventh crusade to recapture the holy city of Jerusalem. The announcement of a children's crusade by EU President Jose Manuel Durao Barroso, coupled with this news, seems to suggest that Christianity and Islam are in for a rematch of the Third Crusade, in which Saladin totally whooped Richard Coeur de Lion's butt.