UnNews:Epic film "Anna Nicole's Trials" makes Oscar sweep with nine wins
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Epic film "Anna Nicole's Trials" makes Oscar sweep with nine wins
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, May 6, 2016, 03:54:UTC)(
27 February 2007
LOS ANGELES, CA -- The 79th annual Academy Awards ceremony was a very predictable one this year, with the epic film "Anna Nicole's Trials" winning in almost all the categories it was nominated for, including best picture and best director. The only surprise came when Al Gore's global warming film "An Inconvenient Truth" won as best documentary.
This was director\judge Larry Seidlin's first win, but he credited the success to his loyal court staff, as well as to his wife. "I would also like to extend my thanks to the courtroom stenographer, whose detailed notes were instrumental in the final editing of the film," Seidlin also managed to add before the orchestra cut his remarks short. The director also noted in interviews after the show that he is already working on a sequel.
Anna Nicole Smith's companion Howard K. Stern won for best actor, getting his second statuette (the first being for last year's crime drama "The Death of Daniel", in which he played a supporting role. Mr. Stern credited his law professors who "helped him hone the skills necessary for this challenging acting job."
Virgie Arthur, Anna Nicole's mother, predictably won for best actress. Her emotion-driven performance expressing sorrow at her daughter's death far surpassed that of Helen Mirriam, who played Queen Elizabeth mourning for Princess Diana. Baby Danielynn won for best supporting actress, making her the youngest Oscar winner ever. In a videolink from the Bahamas, she excitedly said "Goo-goo ga ga!"
Photographer Larry Birkhead easily won for best supporting actor for his riveting courtroom antics. Even fellow nominee Alan Arkin admitted that, "Birkhead's acting abilities, in terms of being so convincing that he really is Danielynn's father, are far superior to my amateurish skills." Eddie Murphy and Mark Wahlberg concurred.
Even the technical awards went to "Anna Nicole's Trials." Engineers at CNN won for best sound editing on the film, intelligently cutting between live sounds from the courtroom and the rambling monologues of Wolf Blitzer. Fox News meanwhile won for best visual effects, inundating the screen with crazy "Breaking News!!" graphics for every new development in the trial film. Finally, the experts at the Broward County Medical Examiner's Office won for best makeup, having to maintain Anna Nicole's body in a viable state despite decomposition and ongoing funeral delays. "We are honored," commented a spokesperson for the Office, "The only other thing that came close is Darth Vader's gimp suit in The Empire Strikes Back."