UnNews:Enjoy the haze while it lasts

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Enjoy the haze while it lasts

A newsstand that's brimming with issues

UnNews Logo Potato
Tuesday, March 20, 2018, 00:52:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

12 October 2006

222-2261 IMG

Look at that. There's haze appearing at the mountains. Beautiful eh?

KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia-- Residents in low-lying areas in Peninsular Malaysia continued to enjoy the spill-over effects of the hazy weather this week. This has put us in such a good mood that we don't even mind sharing it with Singapore.

"It feels great", says clerks Mahmoody Mat Din and his fellow American friends Dante Hicks and Randal Graves. All three were seen cavorthing with a female friend in the KLCC park in high noon.

"Now i don't feel bad that i missed the chance to buy cheap plane tickets at the Matta fair. We and Dante's girl Becky had planned to vacation in New Zealand.

"It has always been our dream to re-enact scenes from noir films like The Big Combo and Casablanca that encourage you to dress in suits and jackets and grin at each other in foggy & deserted airports. But now we can enjoy a similar climate here!"

Scientists have explained this unusual misty phenomenon as the indirect result of illicit logging by Jemaah Islamiyah jihadists in Indonesia. This has driven the mist further down, enveloping the rest of us in a hazy but pleasant climate.

The downside is that domestic tourist arrivals in Cameron Highlands, Genting Highlands and Frasier Hills have registered a sharp decline over the past month.

But this has been more than offset by the increasingly high number of foreign tourists from scorching climes who has sought refuge and kept it cool here.

"We are seeing many Arab tourists now," says economic analyst G.Pundeet. "Some of the women find it so chilly here that they have taken to wrapping themselves from head to toe. They initially couldn't deal wth the weather. but gradually they managed to enjoy themselves."

There have, however, been concerns relating to the health industry.

"This misty weather gives people the illusion that they are wrapped in good health," says a part-time doctor who do not wish to be named.

"They go out there, breathing in that clean air, remarking on how everything smells like fresh laundry, and they neglect to go for paid medical check-ups. This will make private hospitals in particular lose ot to some lucrative moolah."

There are also worries by owners of indoor restaurants as customers now prefer to flock outside to soak n the breeze with the banana leaf delicacies.

"But these are just small worries," says a prominent beaurocrat. "We don't want bad news. The media should stop being, like, so negative at all. Bring on the good news!"

We nodded in vigorous agreement.

edit Sources

UnNews Logo Potato
This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.
Personal tools