UnNews:English alphabet pulls sponsorship of Sesame Street
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English alphabet pulls sponsorship of Sesame Street
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, November 30, 2015, 19:04:UTC)(
11 May 2008
Following the Count's recent drunken tirade on Sesame Street, the English alphabet has announced that it will end its long-running sponsorship of the beloved children's program.
"As great as it has been to B part of this program for the past four decades, we cannot turn a blind I to this unfortunate situation. We will miss our relationship with PBS and sincerely hope that viewers like U can keep the show on the air," announced A, the Chair of the Board of Vowels, in a statement made earlier today.
The alphabet came to their decision this morning in a 25-1 vote. Y was the sole dissenter, and his vote on this issue may cost him re-election to the Board of Vowels next year.
"This was an isolated incident," Y yelled yesterday. "Parents know we had nothing to do with it, and our public image will suffer more from us leaving than staying." He did not persuade the other letters, who saw it as a moral obligation to distance themselves from the show.
It is unsure whether PBS will be able to continue production of Sesame Street without the alphabet's generous support. The Greek alphabet has announced a bid on the spot. They have no moral qualms, already being associated with alcohol abuse, but may not have the same financial resources as their English counterparts. The positive integers are still voting on whether to continue their funding, and should reach a decision by eternity.