UnNews:England to Sue France for Arrows Wasted At Agincourt
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England to Sue France for Arrows Wasted At Agincourt
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, July 1, 2015, 20:58:UTC)(
25 October 2008
London: the British government announced today they are launching a claim for compensation against France for expenses which they incurred at the Battle of Agincourt, 593 years ago.
The Battle of Agincourt was a key military engagement during the Hundred Years War in which an English Army of 5000 led by Laurence Olivier successfully defeated a numerically superior French force. Again.
Now, historians have worked out that the French engaged in underhand tactics at the Battle which contravene the Geneva convention on war crimes. Said some guy, a government official:
- We have identified a number of contraventions of the Geneva convention that were committed that day by the French, for which we the British Government will be seeking compensation. These include:
- Not running away fast enough, thereby causing our archers to use up more arrows than necessary;
- Eating copious amounts of garlic for breakfast, in the hope that they would put off the English with their bad breath (which also contravenes the convention on using poison gas);
- Attempting to demoralise the English by playing offensive accordion music, as well as Carla Bruni's new CD at top volume;
- Turning up in the first place."
Asked if he thought that French courtrooms would be a tough place for English lawyers, the spokesman:
- "If the case doesn't appear to be going our way, we will disrupt proceedings by letting off a firework. Once they hear a loud bang the French will give in immediately."
- Peter Allen and Nabila Ramdani "French accuse English of war crimes and exaggeration over Agincourt". The Daily Telegraph, October 25, 2008