UnNews:England regrets letting foreigners play their sports
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
England regrets letting foreigners play their sports
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, September 27, 2016, 20:49:UTC)(
26 June 2014
The inquest has started why England are 'rubbish' at playing foreigners in the games they invented.
British Prime Minister David Cameron has promised to hold a 'full and frank review' of the English failure to beat other teams in the 2014 Football World Cup in Brazil and the equal embarrassment of the cricket team folding against Sri Lanka. Also the inability of the English Rugby Union to defeat the New Zealand's All Blacks will be added to the inquiry. Only tennis is spared as Andy Murray won Wimbledon in the tennis last year - but that may change if Scotland vote for independence on 18th September this year.
The woeful performance of English teams this year (Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland don't count officially when it comes to talking about Britain) has been the subject of excessive navel gazing. The received opinion is that England's fortunes were lost on the playing fields once they let foreigners play the same game and beat them.
Dating back to the setting up of FIFA by the French and the dismantling of the British Empire, for years teams from England have had to accept defeat as a way of life. Cameron has promised this will change and will recommend a referendum so that England can make its own rules and not be subjected to international interference.
"The Americans have got it right. They don't let other people decide how to play their football game, baseball or basketball. They make the rules and enforce them. We in England have surrendered this ability to fix the rules and now we are paying the price of not winning. I hope this review will re-inforce my opinions on what has gone on. That is why I think a referendum to withdraw from FIFA, the ICC (cricket) and perhaps even IRB (Rugby Union) should go ahead in time for us leaving the European Union."
Fears that this would also affect England's Tiddlywinks team who are currently in Baghdad to play against a team from ISIS and the Mahdi Army. In their last contest, the English/British team fled Basra without their tiddles or winks when up against a tough Taliban team from Afghanistan.