UnNews:End of the world postponed once again
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End of the world postponed once again
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, May 24, 2017, 00:40:UTC)(
29 January 2008
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OUTER SPACE, BUT THEN AGAIN, NOT SO FAR OUT -- The end of the world has been narrowly avoided for today when popular asteroid TU24 bypassed the earth by a comfortable 500,000 kilometres, giving people worldwide the impression of just a mild breeze. In the days and weeks before, Jehovah's Witnesses had rejoiced and scientists had panicked while the probability of impact continuously increased until it reached a staggering 0.0%.
Leading endoftheworldologists immediately rewrote their websites resetting the end of the world date back to the official December 21, 2012 again. This date, set by the Maya calendar as their personal Y2K, is widely accepted by esotericists as the final day of the world as we know it.
Experts still disagree on the actual reason why the asteroid missed. Some say that the combined karma of all the optimists on earth was enough to deflect the impact. But then, latest statistics have shown a total number of only 76 optimists in the world (56 of them currently under psychomedical treatment) which makes such an effect rather unlikely. Exobiologists, on the other hand, have suggested that TU24 might have discovered a better target than the earth. Asteroids are known to prefer planets with dinosaurs to wipe out, after all.