UnNews:Encouraged by Stingray, Australian Parakeets are turning deadly
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Encouraged by Stingray, Australian Parakeets are turning deadly
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, February 23, 2017, 07:01:UTC)(
8 September 2006
PERTH, New Zealand -- Encouraged by the bold actions of the stingray that killed Steve Irwin, other Australian wildlife is turning deadly. This morning in cities from Perth to Sydney, 112 have been found dead, killed by Austrailian budgerigars--commonly known as parakeets in the civilized world.
People are warned not to understimate the cute, fluffy blue and green creatures. They are cold, methodical killers. And after the news got out about Steve Irwin, the parakeets mobilized and prepared a strategy to take back Australia for themselves.
"They start by landing on your head and pooping in your eyes to blind you", said Sheila Mathilda, a spokesperson for the Australian Broadcasting Association. "Then they poke your eyes out, and bite through your carotid artery."
Once you're dead, they rummage through your house looking for seeds to eat.
The UnNews news team caught up with a blood-covered budgie who just finished off a fresh victim. When asked, "why did you do it", the parakeet replied "Awwwk! Pretty Bird! Polly wants a cracker--and to kill lots of people."