UnNews:Elvis is Still Dead

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Elvis is Still Dead

Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?

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Thursday, March 22, 2018, 07:24:59 (UTC)

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I really don't have too much else to say, but my boss said I needed something to write so here goes nothing.


Sorry, folks. The king is dead.

10 July 2008

MEMPHIS, Tennessee - Elvis Presley, the king of rock, is still dead. Elvis is often considered the greatest singer of all time, therefore given the symbolic title of the "king of rock". The singing sensation that swept the nation had sold a lot of albums and had gained a lot of fans over the years.

But one day, Elvis had a heart attack and died. It crushed all of his fans, they were all so sad. Some loved him so much that they refused to believe he was dead and still believe he is alive today hiding in some cave.

However, depite the beliefs of people, Elvis presley is dead. He was burried in Memphis, in the Front Hill graveyard on Elvis street. He is still dead today. You can go and check if you want. My point is that Elvis is dead and that he isn't coming back.

Some people really love Elvis. They know he's dead, but they still idolize him. Take The Church Of Jesus Christ Elvis for example. These people worship god and Elvis. But they think he is alive so screw them. ELVIS IS DEAD PEOPLE.

If you don't believe me go dig up his solid copper coffin in the cemetary I was telling you about. That should be enough proof for you. Even though he'll be all rotted and stuff. Just do it if you think he's alive.

I mean, just look at that big picture over there, people! KING ELVIS DEAD. It's on a newspaper that is more reliable than UnNews. Or not. UnNews is the most reliable source ever. So you should believe me! Elvis is still dead and he has been dead for years.

There are some people though like one of my old middle school teachers who really loved Elvis and loves Elvis impersonaters, but he thinks Elvis is alive but is not all obsessed with him. He was really stupid, patriotic, and opionated. Still, to end this news clip, Elvis is Dead.

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