UnNews:Elvis' tomb up for grabs!
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Elvis' tomb up for grabs!
Where man always bites dog
Sunday, February 7, 2016, 04:31:UTC)(
28 May 2012
CITY OF THE ANGELS, CA – Nicknamed “The King of Rock and Roll,” Elvis Presley, who was also known, especially after his gyrating performance on The Ed Sullivan Show, as "Elvis the Pelvis," doesn't need his original crypt anymore. He has “gone home” to be with his deceased mother, Gladys, auctioneer Darren Julien said, and the late singer's “original crypt,” an expensive, Forest Hill Cemetery edifice in Memphis, TN, “is up for grabs.”
“I'm selling it to the highest bidder,” Julien admitted.
The auction takes place in Beverly Hills. “Come early,” Julien advised. “Elvis' next-to-final resting place is going to go fast.”
Elvis joined his mother on August 16, 1977. Gladys herself had moved in much earlier, on August 14, 1958, to “prepare the place for me,” her son often said, especially when he was high on the drugs that led to his death due to heart failure.
The crypt is made of white marble. “Elvis spared no expense in building his mother's last home—or next-to-last home,” Julien said. “The place is worth a fortune, but it's going to go to the highest bidder.”
To sweeten the deal, the auctioneer said, “we retained rights to Elvis' pelvis; it comes with the crypt. The rest of him went with Gladys.”
“It's hardly been used,” Julien pointed out. “It will make some lucky stiff a nice home.”
To sweeten the deal still more, in addition to Elvis the Pelvis' pelvis, the crypt's top bidder will also receive free opening and closing ceremonies “when the time comes” for his or her burial, Julien said, “an inscription up to ten words, use of the chapel, and a limousine ride, all free of charge.”
If the auction goes as well as Julien hopes, he may also relocate the corpses of Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, and “other celebrities” so that he can then auction off their former burial places as well.
It's just good business, Julien believes. “Some people are worth more dead than alive,” the auctioneer said.