UnNews:Elsuive Duckist killing Sheep release statement
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Elsuive Duckist killing Sheep release statement
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, February 16, 2018, 10:05:UTC)(
10 February 2007
DONEGAL, IRELAND, today a tape was released from an unknown location in the county of Donegal, Ireland. The tape was of the clone of the clone of the clone of Dolly the Sheep, Siobhan (Shiv-on dumb-arse) The tape was Siobhan telling of his new organisation, T.S.R (The Sheep’s Revolt), he warns of a difficult future for duckist rebels in Donegal.
In the tape Siobhan said, "Good day to you, duckist rebels, (baa!) I must say (baa!) that I had huge support for what you were doing, because you see the sheep of Ireland also hate the imperialist force that is (baa!) The Church of Duck, but then I discovered that your plans did NOT include peace between our (baa!) races. Baa! I am going to make it clear to you master (baa!) Niall McCann and Seán Fearon, the sheep of Ireland will NOT stand for (baa!) violence against our race! I and my friends have formed an organisation which we are calling (baa!) ‘The Sheep’s Revolt’, and we are warning you and (baa!) The Church of Duck now to move your forces out of our county, and if you dare enter Donegal again, we will use violence (baa!). "
Siobhan then continued to say, "Baa! To prevent any further violence, I have a (baa!) proposition for you, I suggest that (baa!) leaders from the Church of Duck, the Duckist rebels and The Sheep’s Revolt all meet in Ballyduck, and discuss our (baa!) ideas. So if you accept our invitation, please meet us in Ballyduck Townhall (baa!) on Thursday the 15th of February, we expect your people to be gracious and welcoming, and we warn you that if they are not kept under control, we will use violence, as we will all come armed. Baa!'"
The tape has not yet been released for security reasons, but an audio release has been promised by the duckist forces.
The duckists again do not seem worried about this threat, in a statement today, co-leader of the duckists in Ireland, Niall McCann said "We are not particularly worried about the sheep's revolt, we've got more important things to worry about, like the violence in Tyrone for example, and the capturing of Derry and Antrim, we shall simply have to work around the sheep, and then (baa!) when we have them surrounded, we'll bayt' the livin shite out of them!"
The other leader of the duckist forces in Ireland, Seán Fearon, also said today "We'll just have to go to Ballyduck on Thursday, and talk it out with the sheep, we'll here what they have to say, and if we don't like it, then I geuss were at war again. But for now, I don't think sheep are our main worries."
Yesterday, Cormac Brannigan, the dope (the Church's equivalent of the Pope) said yesterday "Violence? Ireland? Sheep? Yeah, sure I'll get right on that, just get out of my office!!!", he then took several swiggs from a wine bottle he was holding, threw it at the wall, and vomited his guts up.He then stumbled away, screaming his head off about Bagel Bites.
The duckists seem rather oblivious to the sheep though, maybe we should think about what it would be like if Sheep ruled the world...
We will report on this story as it develops