UnNews:Ellen Degenerate shows softer side, sort of
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Ellen Degenerate shows softer side, sort of
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, March 30, 2017, 20:41:UTC)(
17 October 2007
HOLLYWOOD, CA - Ellen
Degeneres Degenerate thought she was just making small talk when she bragged on her television talk show, Lesbian Lip, that she’d abandoned the puppy she’d adopted a few days earlier because the canine couldn't get along with her pussy.
However, critics are not laughing at the lesbian’s antics. In fact, the owner of Mutts and Moms, the pet adoption agency from whom Degenerate acquired the puppy, took the dog back because the loudmouth comedienne didn’t notify the agency that she was abandoning the puppy, as their contract required.
Degenerate's "small talk" earned her the ire of many, including the maniac members of People for the Extermination of Terrestrial Animals (PETA), who have made threats against Degenerate's pet cat, declaring it too late to threaten her career, since, in their words, "That's been over for years."
According to an anonymous spokesman for Mutts and Moms, Degenerate's behavior epitomizes the cruel and inhumane treatment that the rich and privileged think they can get away with, whether with regard to people or animals. "Since she has money and a large lesbian following, she thinks she can do whatever she pleases. She thinks she’s above the law and beyond the rules."
In a blubbery plea, Degenerate begged her viewers to "save me" from the wrath of those who have threatened to harm her pet. She defended her abandonment of the pooch by declaring, "I had to protect my pussy."
Despite her plea, letters and emails continue to threaten retribution. "Kiss your pussy goodbye," one such message suggested.