UnNews:Elephant Pee Coffee is acquired taste
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
14 December 2012
KAMPUCHEA -- Survivors living around Cambodia's “Killing Fields“ are waking up in the morning to a novel smell these days. That’s because in the Golden Triangle they’ve found a new, living coffee pot - the digestive tract and bladder of elephants.
‘Golden Ivory Coffee.’ You heard right. Here’s how it works: normal coffee beans are fed to the elephants, these pass through the digestive system and bladder of the pachyderms and are finally excreted as urine with a powerful caffeine jolt and sickly sweet smell.
Yeah, yeah! The idea of an elephant, or any organic creature, excreting someone’s morning cup of brew might seem gross, but it’s simply a matter of taste. If you like it then it tastes good, otherwise it tastes bad – comprendo?
The Los Angeles Times reports that the anatomy and diet of an elephant make it the best way to brew a cup of coffee bean juice. “It can take between 15 and 30 hours for an elephant to digest coffee beans. That means they have plenty of time to stew alongside all the Opium poppies, Sugar-cane, Bananas, Marijuana, Peanuts, and other stuff a pachyderm might have chomped on during the interval.”
It’s actually not the first time people have used living digestive systems to spice up their coffee. One blogger from LA Weekly says if you want to make already digested coffee, you might as well do it you self.
“Coffee mined from human urine (COF-PEE), is a much less exorbitantly cheap variety said to have a similar obnoxious taste. And the human's small stomach and digestive process are said to add even
worse , better, more flavor.”
While tourists and locals wonder about the drink, Reuter’s news agency says this coffee isn’t easy to find. “If you want to try this coffee you’re going to have to find some first; that is, if you have the gall to ask people where to get it.”
The makers of the drink say an added perk to the coffee is how it helps to support elephants who require an estimated one thousand pounds of raw coffee-a-month to sustain the caffeine buzz which enables them to work hard brewing coffee and entertaining explorers who come to gawk.