UnNews:Edwards quit campaign just to watch season premiere of Lost
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||A newsstand that's brimming with issues|
1 February 2008
LOS ANGELES, California -- New revelations surfaced Thursday about the real reason behind John Edwards's sudden exit from the presidential race earlier this week. Sources close to the former senator say he quit to be able to "fully enjoy the upcoming new season of the hit TV series 'Lost.'" Edwards is known to be a huge fan of the show, but few suspected it would affect his career.
Aides say that Edwards was originally betting on the new season being severely postponed due to the writers' strike, which would allow him to cruise through to the nomination without stressing about it. But when ABC announced last month that the first 8 episodes would be aired as originally scheduled, the candidate was faced with a difficult decision. Family friends say his wife confided in them that Edwards spent sleepless night contemplating on what to do, and whether he would be able to fit in his TV-watching into the grueling campaign schedule.
The final decision to quit came on Tuesday, when CNN scheduled its next Democratic debate for Thursday night, overlapping the season premiere of Lost. "That really sealed the deal," revealed a former staffer who wished to remain anonymous, adding, "Even if he TiVoed it, there is no way he would be able to concentrate on the debate when he knew his beloved show was on the air at the same time." Desperate phone calls by the campaign staff to both CNN and ABC to try to reschedule either event unfortunately failed.
The unusual reason for quitting the campaign also explains why Edwards didn't endorse either of his opponents. One close aide even joked, "the only person John would endorse right now would be the producer of Lost, who he believes could bring the same sense of hope and excitement to the whole nation that he does to TV viewers every week." ABC executives are flattered that a prestigious figure like Edwards loves their show, and are reportedly even considering giving him a cameo appearance on Lost.