UnNews:Ebony and Ivory break-up
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Ebony and Ivory break-up
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, February 9, 2016, 23:38:UTC)(
13 July 2008
COMPTON, California - All is not happy in the world of interracial relationships. This past Friday, Time Magazine, one of the world's leading tabloids, reported the 26 year-long relationship of Ebony and Ivory was on the rocks after Ivory came home drunk with a 17 year-old prostitute.
Paul McCartney, a long time family friend, said to us on the phone, "I knew their relationship couldn't last. I told them they never should've gotten married. Marriage always ruins relationships. Just like how Yoko Ono ruins bands. Trust me, I know. Hell, I've been married dozens of times! NEVER GET MARRIED!!! And, if you do, make the little skank sign a pre-nup!"
Ebony and Ivory were married in 1987 after dating for five years. They were thought to have been the epitome of celebrity relationships. Even during Ebony's 2 month stay in a rehabilitation clinic for an apparent cocaine addiction in 1996, Ivory stayed by his wife's side.
The couple has two children, a nine year-old boy whose birthday is in less than a week and a 15 year-old girl who is currently in a hospital after getting in a severe car accident when she was driving home. Her blood-alcohol level was reportedly .092, at least quadruple the legal limit for a minor to have.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|