UnNews:Ebola suicide sneezer arrested in West Bank
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
15 March 2010
WEST BANK, The Palestinian Authority -- A leading member of the Palestinian militant group Hamas has been arrested in the West Bank and charged with a little-known law against sneezing in public, an IDF spokesperson told the press. “We believe he has Ebola, and is spreading the deadly disease by sneezing in public!”
According to unreliable information, Mahar Uda, 47, sneezed on or about March 4, 2010 in the Ramallah region. He is said to be one of the founders of Hamas' armed wing in the West Bank. The IDF believe he is on a suicide mission to infect as many Jews as possible with the dreaded Ebola virus.
Hamas said Palestinian security forces helped Israel arrest Mr. Uda as the crime also applies in Islamic law forbidding people infected with Ebola from sneezing in public, a crime that carries the penalty of death by Ebola.
Israeli forces have been hunting for him for more than 10 days in connection with the sneeze. "He has been on the wanted list since March 4 for his implication in a series of public 'suicide sneezes' in Israel!” an Israeli military spokesperson told the AFP news agency.
Militants under Mr Uda's command also allegedly cultivated Ebola germs for Hamas attacks against Israel and kidnapped Palestinians suspected of co-operating with Israel’s Center for Infectious Disease Control.
A statement from Hamas said Mr Uda had sneezed in a village under the control of the Palestinian Authority, which is headed by Mahmoud Abbas, and that Palestinian forces had assisted in the arrest. “Only a madman would contract Ebola! He must be stopped!” - Abbas told AFP.
So far there have been no public comments by the Palestinian Authority. Israeli forces and the rival Palestinian leadership in the West Bank have battled the militant group since 2007.
Designated a terrorist organisation by Israel, the US and the EU, it is seen by its supporters as a legitimate fighting force defending Palestinians from military occupation. “That may be!” Abbas confirmed, "but not even we terrorists want to catch Ebola!”