UnNews:Earnest addresses repopulation concern

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Earnest addresses repopulation concern

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11 November 2014

Josh Earnest 2011

White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest addressed concerns among economists who are concerned about the lack of young people to buy things and pump money into the retail business.

WASHINGTON, D.C.- The White House today addressed the concerns of many that an aging America will eventually be unable to support its elderly population. When asked about the state of the human race on this day, White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest stated:

When determining the viability of the human race, one has to consider the willingness of both sexes to procreate. If one sex has less of a willingness to procreate, then the population dwindles. In many Western nations, where the feminist movement is prominent, one realizes that the women are unwilling to put up with the chauvinistic attitudes of men. By noting that boys only want love if it's torture, the women have effectively bettered their condition at the expense of the re-population of the species. The Administration believes that while Social Security and the graying of America is an issue, it supports gender equality and believes that this recent trend which is also prevalent in Western Europe shows that America is headed in the right direction.

Earnest declined to comment on the sort of "torture" he was referring to in the release, and whether he "tortured" his wife. Sources indicate, however, that the only "torture" she received was from listening to Earle Doud's ‎Spiro T. Agnew Is A Riot.

Sociologists and psychologists have noted the recent trend, and encourage it due to the notion that people have equal rights and therefore should feel free to procreate at their leisure. The advancements of women, and the lessening emphasis on childbirth has resulted in the population which has some professionals concerned. Pat Buchanan, conservative commentator said

Women are unequipped to enter the workplace, and there is this constant need to worry about careers. This has resulted in the breakdown of the family, and there is simply no bearing of fruit. You wonder why? The answer is in front of you!

However, television host Rachel Maddow disagreed saying

The rights of women and them having children later in life and having fewer children is a good thing. Children can live in a house with more income due to having both parents in a stable career, and having fewer mouths to feed is a good thing because there is less hunger. I simply believe that as a developed nation, we are coming to grips with sustainability and having fewer children will be good for the economy in the long run.

President Barack Obama, former President George W. Bush, former Press Secretary Jay Carney, and commentator Bill O'Reilly have also all refused to respond.

Senator Rand Paul (R-KY) had the following to say in response to Earnest's briefing:

It is quite obvious that the reason people don't want to reproduce is the stifling regulations on human behavior. What we once referred to as courting is now called "sexual harassment." Regulations have always surfaced to impede the progress and success of America, and an unsustainable model of paying for more older persons with the wages of fewer simply shows big government does not work. We need more young persons to take the helm of the nation, and fix what proponents of big government have broken. In his 2016 campaign, my father will be sure to address these issues.

Leaving a vast blank space in the moral code of the nation, the debate of whether population decline should be addressed with forced mating. While developing nations have shown strength in repopulation, Western nations such as the United States have suffered a decline and the US is often referred to as an "aging" or "graying" nation.

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