UnNews:Earl expected to unleash bad karma onto the East Coast
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Earl expected to unleash bad karma onto the East Coast
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, July 2, 2016, 09:43:UTC)(
4 September 2010
EAST COAST, United States -- Karma really is a bitch. Camden County, CA, native Earl Hickey failed in his plan to get his bloody revenge on NBC by unleashing hell onto the Eastern states -- including the Carolinas, Maine, New York, Connecticut, Massachussetts, and Florida.
Earl and his brother Randy told UnNews last week why they were enacting this bad karma. "I'm just really pissed at NBC," said Earl. "They replace me with Chevy Chase, who hasn't been funny since Christmas Vacation, and even Fox won't stick up for me? I would have had huge ratings if I had had Betty White, and I'd still be on."
Earl told us he wrote himself a list of states to destroy by way of hurricane floods and severe weather. Some of those states included:
- Florida (East Coast)
- "Jorja"(East Coast) -- "Randy wrote that," Earl explains.
- New Jersey (East Coast)
- New York (East Coast)
- "New Hamster" (East Coast) -- "Randy wrote that for me," Earl explains.
- Utah (Western) -- "I don't like those Mormons," Earl explains.
- Texas (Southern)
Earl said that some locations would be spared if they have a band. "I like Boston a lot; the first two albums; they're safe. Kansas is safe, not only because of Dust in the Wind and Carry On My Wayward Son, but also because of Toto. And also, it gets cool points for syncing up Wizard of Oz with Dark Side of the Moon."
Why didn't Earl just march into NBC's office and beg them to bring his popular sitcom back? "They screwed Conan, so I knew they'd screw us. We decided to go the full karma route. What goes around comes around."
Even though his efforts proved to be weak, Hickey dubbed himself "Hurricane Earl" and The Weather Channel took notice. "My name is hurricane earl" returns 10,600,000 Google hits. "Hurricane Earl" returns 137,000,000 hits. His "storm" consisted solely of a blob of rain and wind. Rumors are circulating that NBC will resurrect the show with the title My Name is Hurricane Earl some time in 2011. "Nobody's called me," Earl says. "But I want my show back."
In a follow up interview, Earl provided a reason for his "hurricane" failure. "It's all Randy's fault. I love him dearly, but he's dumber than dirt. He was too busy watching Home Improvement on TV Land to help me with my hurricane. Oh well, it's his loss, not mine. Also Joy, Catalina, and Crab Man bailed on me at the last minute. What are you gonna do?"