UnNews:Eagles finally fire their best player at peak of his career

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5 April 2010

Donovan McNabb

McNabb further provoked the city of Philadelphia with his extensive charity work.

PHILADELPHIA, Pennsylvania -- Donovan McNabb, the man whose tenure involves 8 winning seasons, 7 playoff appearances, 5 Pro Bowls, 5 NFC Championships, a Super Bowl appearance, and more playoff wins in his ten years (10) than in the Eagles' previous 65 years in the league (9), has finally been run out of town by the City of Brotherly Love. McNabb, who bucked the recent trend of black quarterbacks coming into the league and refusing to change their style (like Michael Vick), completely altered both his style of play and throwing motion in order to fill the team's needs, and was rewarded with the most successful 10-year career in Philadelphia history--and the undying hatred of Eagles fans.

The Eagles, whose history involves many great players who are forced to leave by relentless booing, have not won an NFL championship since the 1960 season, which was before players had the right to ask to retire instead of facing the fanatics who booed Santa Claus. Despite not winning a championship, McNabb's career was still the most impressive in team history, as he holds all the Eagles' career quarterback records but losses, including the most yards, touchdowns, and quarterback rating (the statistic used to measure a quarterback's decision-making), all in just ten years. This naturally meant he had to go.

McNabb has been the subject of controversy throughout his career, from the smile at the NFL draft that garnered him boos, to the willingness to be a team player, which irked the local NAACP chapter, to not being the only player on his successful team, which drew the ire of Rush Limbaugh. The other players have come and gone, and McNabb kept winning, thus leading to his eventual dismissal.

The Washington Racial Slurs acquired the All-Pro quarterback for second- and third-round draft choices. McNabb will replace Jason Campbell, a player who never had a winning record as a starter nor won a playoff game nor went to the Pro Bowl. Washington is expected to trade their former starter, and are expected to receive a first-round draft choice in compensation.

The overrated McNabb will be replaced by Vick, a player far more worthy of the city of Philadelphia.

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