UnNews:EU: No one is getting out

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EU: No one is getting out

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5 January 2015

Lincolnface

Ms. Breidthardt (pictured) thought putting on a funny beard would be a key to "preserving the Union."

BRUSSELS, Belgium -- The European Union reacted to the fiscal equivalent of a burning building by resolutely standing in the fire exit.

EU spokeswoman Annika Breidthardt declared that membership is "irrevocable." The issue arises as Greece has called new national elections to see whether the country prefers to remain in thrall to German banks or would like a new Syriza government to stiff them and see what happens next. International observers are watching with interest, as other basket-cases such as Spain are itching to get out next, if Greece gets away with it. Resources are flowing to the troubled Mediterranean nation, and exchange rates suggest that they are being sucked out of every Euro banknote in anyone's pocket.

Ms. Breidthardt said that, although withdrawal is impossible, the EU is open to long new rounds of negotiations on what membership really means, also on what Greece's promise to repay its borrowings really means, and is prepared to send hundreds of statesmen to the sunny country on expense accounts.

The advantages of joining a union whose terms were undefined, but from which exit is impossible, were spelled out for voters when the original referenda were held. The United States faced a comparable dilemma in the 1860s, and solved its problem with negotiations and fewer than ten million casualties.

French President François Hollande said he thought it was only after two years of "shacking up" that partners concluded that no one had to be faithful, but "just don't leave." He said that for Greece to impose a 75% income tax on high achievers would solve the problem, at least for France.

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