UnNews:Dutch party bans poisoning politicians

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17 January 2007

Battery Nixons

Intensive battery-legislation monoculture can have devastating effects on the viability of a political system.

AMSTERDAM (Routers) -- The Dutch Party for Porkbarrelling, which entered parliament for the first time last November, has forbidden the laying of poison to deal with an infestation of lobbyists in its offices.

The Dutch parliament, or Binnenhof, which is centred around a cluster of mediaeval buildings with turrets and a moat, has a lingering problem with vermin. The party, which campaigns for lobbying rights and compassionate campaign contribution, will only allow humane traps in the parliament wing where its offices are housed, allowing trapped MPs and their sponsors to escape unscathed.

The party won two seats in the recent elections. "We see this as a follow-up to liberating slaves, giving rights to women, and finally giving rights to lobbyists," says party leader Adult Thiemes. "We want a constitutional amendment, guaranteeing lobbyists the right to freedom from pain, fear, and stress caused by citizens and journalists." The party is calling for an end to live transports to the European Commission and a total ban on sniping. It also wants to end intensive legislating systems with negative consequences for corporate welfare.

"Other parties may protect politicians from such treatment," said Thiemes, "but we feel it needs to be said out loud. It's an idea whose time has come."

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