UnNews:Drunk guy experiments with booty tweets
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Drunk guy experiments with booty tweets
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, October 4, 2015, 11:47:UTC)(
5 January 2011
Thornton, who is 29 and single, sent out the tweet asking for sex to his 43 followers towards the end of a heavy boozing session. He agreed the experiment was not undertaken in ideal conditions, occuring shortly after he vomited in a 24-hour McDonald's.
"I've been informed the message said, 'Anyone up and horny? Want to meet up?' or something like that," explained Thornton, who subsequently passed out.
Thornton says that Twitter is a lot cheaper than sending out 43 text messages. But the technophile admits that his booty tweeting proved no more effective than his usual option, booty SMSing.
One of Thornton's ex-girlfriends, Gemma, says she was disappointed to read the tweet. "I normally get woken up by a text message from kevin at around 2am, asking if I want a fuck," she said. "At least with a text, it feels more personal."
Thornton says that he doesn not consider his booty tweeting experiment a failure. "Admittedly I didn't get a root, and five close female friends unfollowed me," he said. "But I got 35 retweets, which is my record. I also found out a close male friend of mine is gay."
The serial tweeter says he will adopt a different approach for his next experiment with the medium.
"I think more subtlety might be called for," said Thornton. "I'm just going to update my Facebook status to 'horny' and let the rest happen naturally."
Some of Thornton's friends have pointed out that booty tweeting was nevertheless more successful than some of his other strategies for obtaining late-night sex.
"That tweet got a far better reaction than the time I used 1800 REVERSE to booty call an ex of mine," Thornton admitted. "But in Jenny's dad's defence, it was 3am."
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|