UnNews:Drone Innards Revealed
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Drone Innards Revealed
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, March 17, 2018, 04:59:UTC)(
24 December 2011
Slightly smaller oilfield, Iran -- Iranian officials cheerfully announced today that teams of military engineers have reverse engineered the guts of the recently downed drone after weeks of non-stop effort. "The hard part was finding the right torx screwdriver, " explained lead engineer Mohamed Hammenstein, "After that, we removed the panel marked "secret stuff". Inside, we found an electronic device made of composite materials. We were all sitting down having a well deserved meal of khoresht when Abdul saw a small gift-wrapped rectangular object with a festive card addressed to us personally that was duct-taped to the side of the drone. We opened it and by the will of Allah it looked like it would fit into the opening of the mysterious device we had been spinning in a centrifuge for the past 48 hours."
The device and its associated VHS tape were released to the scrutiny of cryptography experts well versed in the communication methods of the mysterious drone aircraft. "...eventually we plugged the device into the wall and pressed play. Then, in the panic that followed, we realized too late the tape was getting all chewed up and the tracking was all off."
Although dismayed with the poor quality of the image and sound, remnants of the recording were preserved regardless and agents were able to piece together enough of the message to realize it was a video of Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up", looped over and over again.
US Officials have downplayed the development, saying that while that particular VHS is the last known machine in existence that can record copyrighted material without bursting into flame, it's unlikely that the Iranians will distribute pirated copies of Rick Astley to extremists. However, the White House issued a bulletin stating that copying VHS tapes without the careful guidance of giant media and telecommunications barons may create the Middle-Eastern equivalent of Dee Snider, for which there is no known remedy.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|