UnNews:Driving dogs scare New Zealand's cat population
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Driving dogs scare New Zealand's cat population
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, June 22, 2017, 12:25:UTC)(
7 December 2012
AUCKLAND, New Zealand --
In what is considered to be a first in canine rights, dogs in Auckland can now legally drive on the road and make their own way in the world. This startling advance in hound freedom has now got dogs all over the world very excited but has alarmed the country's influential cat population.
"This is appalling news, yes it is," said Tiddles Princess as she washed herself on a window ledge. "Felines are shocked that the New Zealand government are permitting smelly dogs to drive around in their own cars and terrorise the law abiding cat population. If they can have this freedom, then so should we. Yes...fresh meat in my dish would be most welcome."
Dogs have long lobbied for rights to drive vehicles in New Zealand. The very influential Sheepdog pressure group FETCH said being allowed to drive will allow their members to take the sheep to market and help farmers make money out of hiring land for Hobbit-inspired tourism.
One particular dog called Max Woof put it like this - after he finished some urgent business against a tree: "This is fantastic news for dogs - and pay no attention to those lazy flea bags with bells round their scrawny necks. Dogs work, cats are bigger parasites than those six legged friends they play host to. I am pleased that New Zealand is leading the way again. Women got the vote here before anyone else and now dogs are enjoying a similar freedom when it comes to driving. Who knows, we may get the vote ourselves one day."
Cats are said to be arranging a mass demonstration outside Auckland's town hall but admit they have no idea how many will actually turn up. Dogs are said to be sure this decision to let them drive will stand, and promise to be well behaved and obedient to soothe fears about dogs going around in four wheeled hunting packs.