UnNews:Dragons' Den Slammed By Dragon Conservationists
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Dragons' Den Slammed By Dragon Conservationists
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, February 23, 2017, 16:40:UTC)(
31 January 2010
Today members of the Royal Society for Protection of Dragons criticized the TV show Dragon's Den, aired on the BBC, for upholding stereotypes about Dragons which are simply not true. One activist said, "Why does everyone pick on Dragons? If I was a dragon I would be offended at some arrogant businessman/woman being called a dragon. The show could be called Lion's den, or Ogre's cave" He went on to say that Dragons have been misrepresented in fairytales, fantasy novels and films. Contrary to popular belief, they do not eat knights in armour, as they taste "bloody awful". Neither do they terrorise towns and cause massive destruction with their fiery breath. They are fun-loving, kind, helpful creatures with feelings just like humans. They argue that dragons do not live in dens, but houses, and most went to good schools like Eat-on.
However, Harry Potter told us, "The RSPD are talking absolute nonsense. I have fought a dragon, and it was every bit the fairytale evil monster. I may be a hormonal teenager who thinks he's got magic powers but I know what happened." Mr. Potter then proceeded to mount a broomstick and jump out of the window of the office, falling to the ground, 100m below screaming, "I'm coming for you Voldemort!"
The Queen, Helen Mirren, entered the dragon discussion saying, "Those silly dragons can look after themselves. I would certainly not endorse a society attempting to protect them. Therefore, the "Royal" Society for the Protection of Dragons is a farce and I wish to have it's leader arrested and force fed to a dragon." The interview ended at this point as a dragon swooped out of the sky and mauled the queen, crown and all.
The BBC spokesperson was unavailable for comment, leaving Duncan Bannatyne to answer our questions. Said he, "Everybody knows that dragons do not exist. I find this story completely ridiculous. It is not a story, or even a joke. That is why... I'm out." The afore mentioned dragon struck again at this point, swiping at Mr. Bannatyne with a massive clawed foot.
The RSPD have issued a statement apologising for sayin outragous and completely untrue things about dragons. They have now become the "Dragon Hunters" and armed themselves with pitchforks and flaming torches. They then realised that they had Dragon slaying confused with Ogre baiting, and sought the help of Critopher Paolini, a novelist with extensive knowledge of the dragon race.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|