UnNews:Dr Doom: I'm STILL not plotting to steal Ming The Merciless's job, despite his destruction
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Dr Doom: I'm STILL not plotting to steal Ming The Merciless's job, despite his destruction
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, September 29, 2016, 20:31:UTC)(
16 October 2007
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SPACE VILLAINS ACROSS THE UNIVERSE are starting the process of choosing a new supreme leader following the sudden and unexpected destruction of Ming The Merciless. The emporer of the planet mongo apparently "stumbled and fell" into a moon volcano where he was supposed to be meeting Dr. Doom for a picnic.
Unfortunately, whilst strolling around the rim of the giant volcano Doom accidentally threw the raging Emporer into the fiery cauldron where, it seems, Ming met his end. Ming The Merciless leaves behind his wife and 540 children all of which seem to have gone missing after a day trip to see Dr Doom's new black hole machine this morning.
Potential candidate for the job, Dr Doom, denied that he had hatched a devious plot to have Ming deliberately cast into a moon volcano and wipe out his entire family and hiers, all to give him a free run at taking up the baton of Space Villain leadership, "Ming The Merciless was a very dear friend to me and I find these Scurrilous lies very hurtful and insensitive" the evil metal faced scientist said this morning.
"This is a time for all Space Villains to celebrate the contribution Ming The Merciless provided us, we owe him a huge debt of gratitude. We must also take some time, perhaps a few hours, to pay our respects, to grieve at his unfortunate passing before crowning me, The Mighty and fearsome Doctor Doom, as his natural successor."
As well as Doom the early frontrunners to succeed Ming The Merciless are Darth Vader and leader of the Daleks Davros. Darth Vader is seen as a long shot as the rumours of him actually being a goodie continue to tarnish his reputation as an evil and merciless Space Villain.
"You cannot know the POWER of the Dark Side", he said randomly last night.
As for Davros it is thought that his inability to climb stairs and mono-sylibic voice may count against him, "THE DOK-TOR WILL BE EXT-ERM-IN-ATED!!! WE, THE DAAHHH-LEKS WILL RULE THE UN-I-VERSE AAAAAHAAAAHAAA.", he said in a prepared statement.
Elsewhere, reports of a long fingered hand suddenly grasping the rim of a moon volcano crator and a cackling laugh have yet to be confirmed.