UnNews:Dozens killed in Habbo Hotel bombing
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28 July 2006
BEIRUT, GNN (GOANNA NEWS NETWORK)
A precision-guided bomb ripped through the cosmopolitan meeting place, which is popular among young, educated Lebanese with far too much time on their hands, as hundreds of Habbos were admiring each other's taste in music, trading furniture and wondering if they could ever get laid at the online venue.
The scene outside the Habbo Hotel was one of carnage, with stray Habbo dogs feeding on bloody pixels that had been scattered across the street.
"It's bang out of order, innit?" ManUnitedRulez-764 said. "The travel agent told me Beirut was the new Paris of Asia or summat like that. And now look at the joint. It's a bleedin' joke. They're havin' a laugh, mate."
ManUnitedRulez-764 said that losing a "dead classy" sofa he had just acquired from a local Habbo only added to the pain of seeing the rest of his five-a-side football team shredded in a firestorm of white-hot metal.
Israeli Air Force spokesman Moshe ben Moshe apologised for the carnage, but said that intelligence reports had indicated that Hezbollah leader Nusrat Fatah Ali Khan had been debating the merits of house music, "phat breakz" and gamma-hydroxy-butinol in the lobby at the time.
In Australian reaction to the tragedy, Foreign Minister Alexander Downer said that the government had given Australian Habbos plenty of opportunity to take a chartered ferry to Cyprus. Conservative columnists and radio hosts said that Habbos with dual Australian and Lebanese citizenship had to work out whose side they were really on.